Twas Five Weeks
by Operatic
Summary: Five weeks before Christmas, Elizabath receivs a knock on the door. Could it be that Robert Romano was never really dead? CHAPTER 7! AT LONG LAST! I'm so sorry for the wait!
1. The Bad Beginning

Disclaimer: This is the first story on my account! I don't own ER, or any of the characters in the story. I am trying to keep as true to the show timeline as possible, please forgive any errors (including typos ") This story takes place around Christmas time, I'm not sure if Roberts death is near Christmas or not. So, please review with any and all comments! Flames are not welcome, however, unless there's some truth behind the criticism. Enjoy!

"Mommy, read me a story!"

The childish squeals of Ella Greene made her mother, Elizabeth smile. It had been an extremely harsh day. The funeral for Robert Romano. The last goodbye for Elizabeth's rude, mean, insensitive, helicopter-unlucky friend. Elizabeth had lost two men important to her within very restricted time limits. But at least she still had Ella.

"What would you like tonight, Ella?"

The 3-year old girl held up her favourite book, _Beauty and the Beast_.

"Again? Alright. Lets see then," Elizabeth sat in the living room with Ella on her lap and the book in her hands.

"There once was a cold-hearted prince who was spoiled. He never learned what it was to do without. But one day, there was a knock on the door-" Elizabeth paused. She thought she heard someone outside the door. _Wouldn't THAT be cliché?_, she thought to herself. She shrugged it off and continued reading. "It was a poor, old woman. She handed the prince a rose in exchange for-"

_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!_

"Oh, so close." Elizabeth said as she got up to answer the door. She opened it slowly. Standing before her, still clad in hospital scrubs, was Dr. Robert Romano. Elizabeth shrieked and slammed the door shut.

"Ella, go to bed. We'll finish the story another time."

The little girl obediently slid of the chair and into her bedroom.

_Calm down, Elizabeth. CALM DOWN. It's been a long, tiring, sad day. You just lost him.. Your bound to see him anywhere. You probably just shut the door on another short, bald man. In hospital scrubs._

"Lizzie, open up! It's cold out here!" came Roberts sharp voice from outside.

_Or not!_

Elizabeth opened the door a small bit and looked out. Robert looked straight into her eyes. Elizabeth tried to say something. But what do you say to a dead guy?

"You're dead," Elizabeth tried. Robert felt his chest.  
"I am?"

"Y-you had a funeral. That helicopter finished you off. You're dead!"

"If you'd let me in, I'd explain."

Elizabeth opened the door a bit more. She'd never seen Robert like this. His teeth were chattering. He was empty handed. He….he really was quite short.

"Don't you have a house? Why'd you fake you're death? What is wrong with you? Why are you here? Don't tell me I'm dreaming! Didn't you use Rogaine? You're dead! You have to be!"

"Lizzie, you're rambling," Robert said. Elizabeth kept going. "Lizzie…Lizzie…"

"Why me? Why me? You had other friends, right? Kovac? Carter? Susan? Jerry?" Elizabeth cried desperately. "Oh my God. I must be hallucinating."

"Lizzie…" She kept going. "Lizzie…LIZZIE!!"

Elizabeth stopped.

"You died. How can you be standing there? YOU DIED!"

"I know. Bummer, huh?" Robert smirked. "Just when you thought you'd gotten rid of me. But would you let me in, I'm freezing my ass off!"

"No, no. You're dead. You died. I went to you're funeral. I cried for you. You cheated me! I loved you and you DIED!"

Robert stared at her. She cupped her hands over her mouth.

"As a friend! I loved you AS A FRIEND and you died!"

"I'm not dead! Let me in, I'm getting hypothermia! Scrubs aren't thick!"

"No. No. No no no . I'm closing the door. I'm imagining things. I'm very tired. I'm closing the door now. Goodbye."

She shut the door and sighed a breath of relief. That didn't happen. Robert was dead, and that didn't happen. But she shrieked in terror. There, between her door and the frame, was Robert's artificial hand. She opened the door.

"What do you want from me?"

"I want IN, Lizzie. It's -2 degrees, and I am in a t-shirt. A T-SHIRT!"

Elizabeth sighed.

"FINE!"

"THANKYOU! God, it was like a fridge out there."

Elizabeth shut the door.

"WHAT IS GOING ON?"

Robert took a deep breath.

"I faked my death. I was unhappy, Lizzie. Lets do role play. You are a one-armed man and every one at your workplace hates you. Yeah, I'm pretty sure you'd feel like getting smooshed by a helicopter, too! I wanted to get a new job, start again. But do you know how hard that is? Probably. So, I'd get a new job, somewhere else. In a different strand of medicine! Then, my house burned down, and I lost EVERYTHING. And that's pretty much why I'm here."

KNOCK KNOCK

"Oh, who is it now? Mark? Because I really need another dead guy at my door!"

An old woman was at the door. Elizabeth recognized as Mrs. Hearn, the old woman from across the street.

"Would you keep it down? My cats are trying to sleep, and so am I. Do you have any idea what time it is?"

Elizabeth checked her watch.

"9:15."

"That's right! We can hear you all the way across the street! Mr. Nibbles is trying to sleep off a sickness! Now you quiet down, or I'll call the cops!"

"Alright, Mrs. Hearn. Terribly sorry."

"Wait, Lizzie, are you going to let her boss you around like that?" Robert faced the woman. "Listen, lady. We'll keep it down, but would you close the blinds when you change? Do the neighbourhood a favour!"

The woman had an appalled look on her face when he closed the door.  
"How did you know she changes in front of an open window?"

"I didn't."

Elizabeth was silent. She opened her mouth multiple times, but closed it.

"And, YES, I used Rogaine. It just didn't work."

"So…you have no where to go…"

"Basically. I mean, I could stay in a hotel for awhile, but after the first month they catch on that you're living there."

"….I was you're only friend?"

Robert was silent.

"Look, Lizzie. You know I wouldn't have come if it wasn't a dire emergency. I will pay you if I have to."

Elizabeth sighed.

"Let me see if I have any of Mark's old clothes. You can stay in the guest room."

So, what did you think? More will be coming ASAP, so please review!

-Son Kat


	2. Weaver has feelings!

Alright! I got a few reviews for Chap 1, which was great! Thank you to everyone who's been so supportive! I don't own any of the characters in this story. So, enjoy Chap 2, and I'll try to have Chap 3 soon!

"Kerry, I know this is awful, but, can I take the day off?"

"WHAT? Dr. Corday, I know it's Thanksgiving and all, but this is a busy hospital at the holidays especially, and don't think you're the first person to ask! I've been nice today, Abby, Gallant AND Frank ALL have the day off! Ever since Robert died, we have had a shortage of surgeons!! WHAT could be SO important?"

"Yes, well, that's just it," Elizabeth did her best to make it sound as if she was crying. "Ever since Robert's death, it's been a very emotional time for me!"

Kerry was silent on the other end.

"Listen, Elizabeth. I know you two were close. So that's why I'm going to be nice and let you take the day off this once. JUST this once. I want you back here at 6 am tomorrow, understood?"

"Yes, Kerry, thank you!" Elizabeth said as she hung up.

"Dr. Corday's really been taking Roberts death hard. Now she wants the day off!" Kerry said.

"Well at least somebody is," Sam said. "I know I'm not."

"Robert, I lied to Kerry for you're sake, I hope you appreciate this."

"I do, Lizzie. Hey, did Mark ever have a short stage? Because these pants really do not fit. Do you have any from his childhood, perhaps?"

Elizabeth smiled. "No, I'm afraid not. I'll try to get to the store some time today, but those will have to make do for right now."

"But, Lizzie," Robert emerged from the guest room, his new bedroom. The T-shirt sleeves were at his elbows and the pant legs were trailing on the floor. "This is ridiculous." Elizabeth couldn't help but giggle. Robert shot her a look. "You think this is FUNNY?"

Just then, Ella came out of her room. She stared at Robert.

"Ella, sweetheart, this is Robert, mummy's friend. You've met Robert, haven't you?"

"You said he was dead."

"No, No! A different Robert. Not this Robert. Um, this Robert is going to be living with us for awhile. Is that OK, sweetie?"

"Hi."

Robert smiled at the little girl.  
"Hello, Ella."

Ella just stared at him. "Mommy, can I have some juice?"

"Um, yes, here you are, darling."

Ella sat far away from Robert.

"What, do I smell or something?" he asked.

"Mommy, is that daddy?"

Elizabeth paused. "Um, no, this is just a friend of mine."

The door bell rang. Robert hid behind the door. It was Jerry.

"Hi, Dr. Corday. Dr. Weaver told me you were having some "personal issues" that you need to sort out. She didn't make me come though. Nope, this was my idea."

"Oh, yeah right!" Robert said under his breath. Elizabeth opened the door a little more. Robert grunted in pain.

"Do you want to talk?"

"Oh, Jerry, you're very sweet, but I was really just in the middle of something."  
"Oh Dr. Corday, Dr. Weaver thinks-and I think that it would be best. That's why Weaver asked me to take an hour off. I mean, I asked Weaver. So, can I come in?"

Elizabeth thought for a moment.

"You know, Jerry, I think that's very nice of you, but I was just in the middle of.. of.. of.. CLEANING! I was just in the middle of cleaning." Elizabeth faked a smile as she ran a towel over a counter top.

"Is he gonna live with us just like Robert?" Ella asked. Jerry stared.

"Robert?"

"Oh, yes. Well, that's a…different Robert. Yes, Ella's Uncle Robert. He's staying with us. So, I can't really talk right now. Good-bye." Jerry caught the door before she closed it.

"Dr. Corday, Weaver wants-I want to let you know that if you ever want to talk, we'll all be there for you." Elizabeth smiled.

"Thank-you, Jerry, that's a very nice offer." Elizabeth shut the door.

"Hey Lizzie, you aware that two spiders are having sex on your windowsill? I just noticed that now."

"SEX!" Ella said. Elizabeth stared at her, horrified. "SEX! SEX! SEX!"

"ROBERT!" Elizabeth cried. "Darling, don't say that word."

"SEX! But Uncle Robert said it! SEX! SEX! SEX!"

"Nooo.." Elizabeth put a hand on her forehead. "Not for another five years yet!"

"SEX!!! Mommy, where do babies come from?"

Elizabeth groaned and popped an Aspirin into her mouth.

"Not ready for this.." she said.

"Ella," Robert said. "We're gonna say a new word now, OK? Lets say a new word. How about, electroencephalogram?"

Ella was silent.

"There ya go." Robert said. Elizabeth half smiled.'

"Electaanstawgum?" Ella guessed. Elizabeth laughed.

So, I hope you liked it! More is on the way!

-Son Kat


	3. Leather Smells Good

Alright, Chap. 3! Really sorry for the wait, I had other things (school, sleep, etc…) but I really hope this is worth the wait! Once again, I don't own any of the characters in this chapter. So, enjoy!

Robert had been "dead" for one week now. Elizabeth went to work as usual, Ella was getting used to 'Uncle Robert', and he himself was living on Mark's overly large clothing. It was finally time to get new ones, however.

"How does it fit, Robert?" Elizabeth asked him. He walked out of the dressing room, clad in a pair of dark pants and a polo shirt.

"Like the pants, shirts OK, nothings that great." Elizabeth sighed. Typical Robert. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a familiar figure walking towards her. She shoved Robert into the dressing room and stood against the door.

"Dr. Pratt!" She said.

"Dr. Corday?" Pratt looked around the store. "What are you doing here? This is a men's store…right?"

"Oh, well, um, yes, I… love men's clothing," Elizabeth went to the nearest table and picked up a pair of leather pants. "I love the smell.. of leather."

Pratt looked at her strangely. That's when Robert walked out of the change room.

"Elizabeth, WHAT WAS THAT?" he cried. As soon as he saw Pratt he covered his face with the shirt and walked away. "Elizabeth? Where are you? I can't find my, uh, daughter, Elizabeth!"

"Uh, Elizabeth, is it just me, or was that guy…Romano?"  
"Don't be silly! Robert is dead," Elizabeth faked sadness. "And that makes me very sad."

"Hm. Well, I've gotta go, see you at work."

Elizabeth found Robert and smacked the back of his head.

"You almost blew you're cover! Pratt suspected something!"

"Pratt is an idiot. He didn't suspect anything."

"Yes he did! They talk at the hospital, and something like that just might be an interesting subject!"  
"OK, let me rephrase that. Pratt is an idiot, they're all idiots, they won't suspect anything. Trust me."

At the hospital…..

"Y'know what'd be weird?" Chen said to Pratt. "If Romano were alive."

"Woah, yeah. But that couldn't happen." He replied obliviously.

"GET BACK TO WORK!" Kerry screeched.

"Robert, turn off the TV, we're going to the soup kitchen." Elizabeth announced.

"Lizzie, laughing at the poor people isn't going to solve anything."

"No! I volunteer there every Christmas, to do something good for the community."

"Elizabeth, let me refresh your memory: You are a SURGEON. You do your part."

"I know," Elizabeth said, turning off the TV. "But there are people who can't afford that."

"And I suppose I'm going to help you out with that?"

"Yes."

"No."

Elizabeth glared at him.

"Why not?"

"It's cold. I'm comfortable. I was a surgeon. I helped people. And finally, I'm dead. I need more help than they do."

"Robert, PLEASE. They do need help."

Robert sighed.

"I'll tell you what. I go help you, you go out with me."

Elizabeth was taken back.

"What, on a DATE?"

"Sure, if you want it to be."

Elizabeth sighed.

"Alright, fine. But JUST as friends. I have a child."

"Here's your soup, have a nice day….thank you, come again…. Eat it and get out…." Robert said, bored. He stared into the soup he was putting into little paper bowls. It looked gross. It was browny-green with little lumps in it. Were there supposed to be lumps in it? He looked across at Lizzie. She looked bored too. Why did she do this every year?

"ROBERT!" the homeless woman cried. He stared at her.

"That's right, crazy homeless lady. I'm Robert. And he's Robert. And she's Robert. Now go sit at that Robert and eat your Robert, OK?"

The woman pulled off the moth-bitten hat she was wearing to reveal long blondy-brown hair, and a face Robert knew way too well.

"ABBY!"

"ROBERT!"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING AT A SOUP KITCHEN?"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING…ALIVE??"

"You answer my question!"

"Mine first!"

"I asked first!"

The man running the kitchen ran over.

"Look, buddy, no fighting with the less-fortunates, OK? Take it outside."

Robert pulled off his gloves and went outside. Elizabeth pulled off her gloves and hairnet and went too.

"So let me get this straight-you're alive, and living with you?" Abby asked them.

"Yes. That still doesn't explain why you were dressed as a 'less-fortunate'. Cruis'n for eats, Abby? I thought the hospital paid better." Robert replied.

"No, Pratt told me he saw you. We started a little 'search team' for you, Pratt, Susan, and I. You could get in a lot of trouble for this, y' know."

Elizabeth smacked his real arm. "I told you!"

"I know, I know, Abby, but you CANNOT tell anyone."

"I have to. I promised."

"Listen, don't tell anyone, and we can make it worth you're while."

"Are you black-mailing me?"

"No, Abby, we're BRIBING you. There IS a difference," Robert replied. He whispered in Elizabeth's ear, "I told YOU."

"What do you have that I want?"

Elizabeth and Robert were silent.

"We can give you gross soup?" Robert suggested. Abby smiled

"OK!"  
"Seriously?"

"Uh-huh, I won't tell!"

"Good. You'll have all the soup you want then. That stuff can't be too hard to make."

"So, Lizzie, we still on, say, tomorrow at 8:00?"

Elizabeth grinned.

"Sure, okay."

So, what did you think? Please review, because Chap. 4-THE DATE!!!

-Son Kat


	4. OHHH NOOO!

Chapter 4! I'm really really super sorry about the wait! See, I have bronchitis, and that sucks, and I didn't get a chance to write. Yup, that's my excuse for everything. LOL anyways, I don't own any of these characters. Enjoy!

It was around 7:30 on a Thursday night. Elizabeth watched the snow fall from her bathroom window as she got ready for "the big date".

_I don't even know WHY I'm doing this. I mean, Dinner with a Dead Doctor? It sounds like some cheesy horror movie. Besides, Roberts going to do something inappropriate tonight, I just know._

By 7:50, Amy, Ella's baby-sitter was there, and the two of them were out the door. They were almost to the restaurant when Elizabeth turned to him.

"Look, Robert, It's very nice that you're taking me out AS A FRIEND, please remember to keep it at that! I mean, I like you, but, not like that, OK?"

Robert looked at her.

"Lizzie, I'm hurt. Hurt and saddened. I'm your friend, don't you trust me?"

"I trust you'll remember I'm your friend."

They pulled in at Chez Fredrique and a valet took the car away. They were seated quickly, and given menus.

"Why hello, you wonderful people, may I take your orders?" the waitor asked. He turned to Robert and placed a hand on his knee. Robert glared at him. He removed it.

"My names Billie and I'll be you're helping hand tonight! So, what does the lovely man want tonight? What does his friend want, anything?"

Both Robert and Elizabeth stared at Billie.

"We haven't even opened the menus yet!" Robert cried.

"Right. Yes. Be back in a minute for ya!" Billie said with a wink. He walked away happily.

"Do you smell smoke?" He asked her.

"No, why?"

"'Cause he was flaming."

They were just talking when they heard it. A long screech, like someone was trying to pull the tail of a cat. They both saw him: a foreign man playing the violin (well, not playing it-killing it.) He was short, no more than 5 feet, and you could clearly see his undershirt underneath his shirt. Robert pulled the man over. He gave him a five dollar bill. "Play a little quieter, would ya?" The man stared at the money with glee in his eyes. He flashed Robert a toothy grin and played even louder.

"Excuse me, what did I just ask you?" Robert asked. The short man sensed his anger.

"Ohhh nooo…" he said, frightened.

"Don't be scared, just stop playing. That's all." Robert said. He gave Elizabeth a look of amusement. But the man just stood there.

"Ohhhh noooo! Ohhhh noooo!" he repeated over and over at the top of his lungs. Billie came prancing (yes, prancing) over. He looked at him and sighed.

"Don't you worry, sir. That's just Juan. He cries sometimes. He doesn't speak English except for Oh No. We only really keep him cuz he's eye candy."

Robert looked at Juan. He stopped yelling and continued to play. Robert and Elizabeth sighed and tried to talk over it.

"So how's the hospital?"

"Good…." Elizabeth saw the look in Roberts eyes.

"You miss operating, don't you?"

Robert was about to speak when he was interrupted by a rather loud, and long, "OHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOO!" It seemed one of the strings on Juan's violin had broken. He could no longer play. They watched as Billie guided him into the kitchen, patting his back.

"So, you were saying?" she asked.

"Well, I-"

Robert was cut off. Elizabeth's pager was going off.

"It's an emergency. I have to go! I'm so sorry, Robert. I'll pay you for dinner. Thank you!" She said as she ran out in a hurry. But, she came back, and kissed his cheek.

Robert just sat there. Billie then emerged from the kitchen. He looked at him sadly and patted his shoulder.

"I know, I know. It was hard for me to come out to my mom, too."

Well, that's Chap. 4! I promise Chap. 5 will come sooner than this did!

-Kat-Chan


	5. Roberta hath come!

I am so sorry about the delay! I know I say that every chapter but this time it's really bad. But I am going to try to get chapter 6 out before the week is over (sometime before next Wednesday), so don't fear! Without further ado, here it is: Twas Five Weeks, Chap. 5!

It had been a looong day at the hospital. From stubbed toes to toes stuck in lawn-mowers (And this was winter. It was one for the Darwin Awards.), everything came up. Elizabeth was about to go home, when she was shoved out of the doorway by a short woman with curly rust-coloured hair and gross pink makeup. She ran to Frank and slammed her white gloved hands on the desk delicately.

"I'm looking for Bobby Romano! I got a telegram that he was hurt! In my beach house! In Florida! It was expensive! Where is he?" she cried. Frank stared dumbly at her.

"Do you mean Robert? Robert Romano?"

"Oh good, you know him. Where can I find him?" she asked.

"Relation?"

"I'm his MOTHER!"

Everyone who knew Romano was silent. They could finally hear the patients whining.

"I have the (hic) hiccups!"

"Ah gat mah tunge in da toasta!"

"Ohhh Noooo!"

"That man shoved me! He's getting away! Stop him!"

Sam finally broke the silence. "You mean he HAD one? Shoot, Pratt, I owe you fifty bucks!"

Mrs. Romano ignored this comment. She stared intensely at Frank. He took out a Kleenex and wiped his sweaty forehead.

"I'm afraid, he uh…had an accident."

"But he wore Good Nights as a child! It can't have come back!"

Elizabeth muffled a giggle. Frank stared at her.

"Uh, no, I mean, uh, yes, um, he is a bit….squished."

"FRANK!" Elizabeth cried.

"DEAD! Uh, um yes, dead."

Mrs. Romano's eyes filled with tears. Luka took her chin in his hand, and in the sexiest voice he could possibly speak, he said, "I am so sorry for your loss." Mrs. Romano's eyes dried.

"Well, my work here is done," Luka said, hitching up his pants and walking away. Sam scowled. Mrs. Romano began to weep. Elizabeth approached her.

"Mrs. Romano, I knew Robert very well. As friends. Just that. And I know that he probably thought you were wonderful. Or at least descent. So maybe you'd like to come with me, to the grave? I'm Elizabeth Corday." A grin spread on Mrs. Romano's face.

"Oooh, Bobby told me about you. He fancied you quite a bit. I'm Roberta Romano, singer, actress, dancer etc. extraordinaire."

"Quite the title."

15 MINUTES LATER

"So my Bobby is ALIVE? But those guys said-"

"Roberta, for the fifteenth and final time, he faked his death! Do you want to see him?"

"Oh, please! Oh, but he may mention something about me reading his diary to his fifth grade girlfriend…that's just a game we like to play."

15 MINUTES LATER

"Robert! We're home!"

"WE?" Robert came running down the stairs and was caught in his mothers embrace.

"M-mom?"

"Oh, Bobby! Your girlfriend said you were alive, and I thought she was lying, but it's TRUE! It's TRUE! Oh, Bobby, I'm so happy!"

"Elizabeth. Can I talk to you in the kitchen? Alone?"

"What were you THINKING? I mean, my MOTHER? What from my personality suggests I would have a good relationship with my mother?"

"Well, what's wrong with her?"

"Lets see: She's selfish, annoying, big-mouthed, stubborn, rude, embarrassing, bal-stupid…"

"What was that last one?"

"Stupid! She read my diary over the PA system!"

"She told me she told your girlfriend."

"She told REBECCA? That's why she dumped me!"

Elizabeth looked over at Roberta. Ella was staring at me. The little girl ran to her mother."

"Is that gramma?"

"No, sweet, grammas in England."

"Then who's she?" Ella asked, pointing to her.

"Really, you should teach your child some manners! You don't point, Emma."

"Ella."

"Whatever. Difference by two letters. Anyways, I'm famished from the long, expensive flight here. What's for dinner?"

2 HOURS LATER

"Really, isn't it a little late for dinner?"

"It's 6:00." Elizabeth said, not being able to hide a hint of annoyance in her voice.

"So, I just finished a run in Rent, and the producer liked me so much, he might give me my own show! Just think-The Roberta Romano Experience! Wouldn't that be exciting, Bobby?"

"Sure."

Roberta put her fork down.

"It's so hot in here! Let me open a window." She did so. Elizabeth and Robert felt immediate discomfort as they watched Roberta eat contently.

"I'm cold!" Ella cried.

"Get some manners, would you, child?"

Elizabeth put down her fork and was about to scream, when a giant wind blasted through the room. She thought better of it and continued to eat. Robert placed a hand on his forehead and groaned. Elizabeth looked up and gasped in horror. Roberta's hair was gone! Roberta's hair had flown out the window!

"B-b-b-b-b-" Elizabeth stammered. Roberta felt her head and her eyes filled with tears.

"b-b-b-BEAUTIFUL!" Elizabeth finished.

"My hair! We have to get my hair!" She cried, running outside. Robert and Elizabeth followed, Ella in Elizabeth's arms. They found Roberta standing before a tall tree in the backyard.

"It's up there!" She screamed.

Robert ran into the house, grabbed a broom, and poked at it, then it came fluttering down. Unfortunately, another gust of wind blew it into the neighbour's backyard. They watched helplessly as Chomper, the neighbour's bulldog, well…chomped on it.

"NOOOO!" she screamed. She turned and ran into the house. They followed her.

"You two will pay! For my new wig, that is." She cried.

"Where do we get it?" Elizabeth asked.

"Why can't you get it?" Robert asked.

"I can't get it, it would ruin my reputation! You have to buy it specially from Italy, it's very hard to get!"

"_Roberta._" Elizabeth said slowly.

"ALRIGHT,ALRIGHT! 24 MIKE STREET! WALLYS WIGS! YOU HAPPY?"

She ran up the stairs and barged into Roberts room.

"Grammas mad at me." Ella said.

"No, darling! No she's not."

"Hey, Lizzie," Robert said. "Does that sofa pull out?"

"No. Why?"

"Well, my mom just went into my room. If that couch doesn't pull out, it means that you and I have to…share a bed."

TO BE CONTINUED


	6. Wallys Wigs

Twas Five Weeks

OK, I'm really sorry about the wait! I was busy at March Break (skiing, which I suck at, and Toronto!) but tonight I got a new story up so I guess this has gone for too long. So, without further ado, Chapter 6!

CHAPTER 6

"Listen, I don't like this anymore than you do," Robert said with a sigh. He climbed into bed beside Elizabeth, who had her back to him. "So I really don't know why you're mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the...situation."

"Situation, meaning my mother."  
"You too?"

"Yeah."

"Would you mind if I said something mean?"

"Be my guest."

"She's a...mean person."

Robert laughed.

"Is that the best you can do? Really? Wow. I was gonna say she was a big-headed bitch, but compared to mean person, thats like saying she's sweeteer than Mrs. Butterworth!"

Elizabeth kicked him.

"I'm sorry, Lizzie, but your insults are lame."

"Ellas in the next room, you shit-faced arse."

"Evil whore bag."

Elizabeth kicked him again.

"Sleep. We have to go to Wally's Wigs tommorow. Maybe we can get Wally to top you off a bit!" Elizabeth cracked up.

"SHUTUP!" came Roberta's voice through the wall. "A WOMAN NEEDS HER BEAUTY SLEEP! GOD! And Bobby, remember to change your underwear in the morning or a bird will poop on your head!" she finished sweetly. This killed Elizabeth. Robert lat fuming as she laughed and eventually fell asleep.

Robert was almost asleep when he heard a loud truck passing by. He shrugged it off. Then he heard a second. A third. A fourth. Thats when he realised that wasn't a truck.

That was Elizabeth.

Snoring.

He sighed and rolled over, folding the pillow to cover his ears. No good. He could still hear her. He tried closing her mouth. It fell open again. And again. And again. Every time he tried. The snores were getting louder, and it was almost 2:00 in the morning. He groaned. Carefully, he pulled a pillow from under her head. He carefully put it over her mouth so she could still breath. He couldn't hear it anymore. He sighed in relief and rolled over.

Thats when he felt a pressure on his butt. He looked down. Elizabeth was turning sideways on her bead. He was being pushed up and up the bed by her one foot on his butt. He looked fearfully at the headboard. He was going to crash! He sighed, and jumped off the bed.

Elizabeth was now sideways on her bed. He frowned, took his pillow, and lay down on the floor. He stared up at her feet, now dangling over him.

He was almost asleep when he heard Elizabeth, talking in her sleep.

"Robert...Robert...please don't be dead Robert...please don't be dead...I'm falling in lo..."

And she was asleep again.

Robert couldn't help but smile to himself as he fell asleep.

Later...

It was about 6:00 when he woke up to the sound of crying.

"He was so young!"

"Robert! Robert! Please don't be dead Robert! Oh God, It's just like my dream!"

Robert got up. Roberta, who was standing over him, screamed. Elizabeth stared.

"THE DEAD WAKES! THE DEAD WAKES! ZOMBIE!" Roberta screamed. "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELL-"

Robert and Elizabeth stared at her, amused. She blushed.

"I was...talking about...Rob Zombie, he, um...that guy scares me. Yes. Thats correct." she ran out of the room and back into the guest-room. Robert stared at Elizabeth.  
"Elizabeth, you are a SURGEON. You thought I was DEAD. Because you're a genious, I'm guessing? And besides, unless I had a pillow attatched to my head, I would not have died like that. Whats wrong with you?"

Elizabeth sighed.

"I don't know. Roberta came in here screaming, and I just got scared. I had this dream where you were dead last night...I was probably a bit paranoid. Sorry."

"It's OK." Robert stared at her. She was smiling in relief. Her hair cascaded down her back, and the morning sun made her look even more beautiful than usual. He couldn't help it.

He kissed her.

She slapped him.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" she cried, standing up, which caused him to fall over. He quickly got to his feet and stood over her.

"Listen! I heard you last night! I heard you talking in you're sleep! 'Robert, Robert, don't die, I'm falling in LOVE!'"

She stared at him.

"And you feel this way too?" She asked, uncertain. He backed down

"I do if you do." he said quietly.

"Well then, the jokes on you because I dreamed about loving Mrs. Butterworth! Because you mentioned her! So hah!" Elizabeth faked laugh. Robert stared at her, in disbelief.

"No, no, the jokes on YOU! I just felt sorry for you because you were so in love! So HAH!" he also faked laugh. They quietly stared at the floor for a few minutes.

"D'you wanna get in the bathroom before my mom does?"

"Absolutely."

Later.

"Oh, yeah, the 'Foxy after 50 modle-red. We have some of those in the back. I'll be right back." the man at the desk said.

"Robert," Elizabeth said once he was gone. "Put these on!" She said, giving him a black wig and a fake moustache. "Just in case."

"No way! Who from the ER would comehere. They all have full heads of hair..lucky bastards...besides, thats RIDICULOUS."

The door opened. A man in a yellow hat walked in. He stared at the two of them, especially Robert, but said nothing. He went to the counter and said something in a low voice to the man's partner.

"LUKA! MY FAVOURITE CUSTOMER!" he exclaimed. "I STILL HAVE THE CHRISTMAS CARD YOU GAVE ME LAST YEAR! YES WE HAVE HUNKALICIOUS-BLACK IN STOCK! PERFECT FOR YOU! LET ME GET IT! BUT ITS THE LAST ONE IN STOCK SO BE CAREFUL!" As soon as the mans back was turned, Elizabeth pulled off his hat.

"LUKA!"

"ROBERT!"

"ELIZABETH!"

"LUKA!"

"ROBERT!"  
"JIMMI!" Luka yelled at the man, who wimpered and handed over a brown paper bag. The other man came back with Robertas wig and the three of them ran out the door.

"YOU'RE NOT DEAD!"

"YOU'RE BALD!"

"You're YELLING in PUBLIC!" Elizabeth cried.

"I can't believe you're not dead! This sucks!"

"WHAT?" Robert cried. He grabbed Elizabeths hand, and Lukas paper bag and ran as fast as he could. Luka stood there, dumbfounded.

"Why...WHYYYYY!"


	7. Apple Cookies

**Twas Five Weeks: Chapter 7**

**(and this time, I mean it!)**

**I am SO sorry for the story hiatus. I honestly didn't expect it to be that long, but a week turned into 3 months, and it increased from there. I just got tired of writing it, but I promise I'll make it good. In case you've forgotten where we left off, basically, we find out that Luka's head is actually quite bald, and he currently has no wig. Keep in mind, the outcome of this can only be silly. You've been warned.**

**I do not own E.R., nor do I own Wally's Wigs or Chez Fredrique (Well, I do, I just don't own the actual buildings. If there are actual buildings with these names, keep in mind that I am in no way in possession of these buildings. I use their names only and for fictional purposes. So yeah. Don't sue me.)**

**PLEASE READ THIS: At this point, Luka and Sam ARE NOT dating yet.**

"Robert, what the hell was that?" Elizabeth cried.

"That was many things," Robert replied, wiping sweat from his brow. "For one thing, that was hilarious. Also, it was revenge."

"REVENGE?" Elizabeth moaned. "You've got to be kidding me!"

"What can I say? I'm an ass, and as an ass, I have certain character traits I must live up to. Even in the past life!" Robert grinned like a maniac (which Elizabeth, at the moment, was quite sure he was.) "Oh, and did I mention blackmail?"

"BLACKMAIL! You stole Lukas sex appeal! He will KILL HIMSELF!"

"Really? I always thought Lukas sex appeal was his eyes, flat stomach, and meltingly delicious accent…" Robert said, spacing out a bit. Elizabeth tried to hide a smile, forgetting her anger and really hoping he was joking.

"Robert, you're scaring me. Ever since you died you've been a little more…giddy."

"Maybe death brings out something good in people that no one ever gets to see. For obvious reasons."

"Back to the wig, though," Elizabeth said, shaking off her smile. "How are you going to blackmail Luka?"

"Easy," Robert replied with a grin. He pulled out a pad and pen. He spoke aloud as he wrote.

_Dear Luka:_

_If you tell ANYONE about me being alive, your wig gets it. Then I will buy the next shipment, and the next, and the next, etc. We will destroy those. Also, we have very suggesting pictures of you and Carter._

"We do?" Elizabeth asked.

"Remember at Carter's birthday a few years back? Luka got drunk and started slapping everybody's ass?"

"How did I ever forget?" Elizabeth moaned, her cheeks red.

_However, keep my secret and only good things will come your way. We will, in turn, keep your secret. And you get your wig back. And also, we will buy you a wig every time one of yours wears out._

"How do you wear out a wig?" Elizabeth asked.

"I don't know. Ask my mother."

_Also, we will get you a date with a model._

"Who are you thinking?" Elizabeth asked, eyes wide. Robert sighed and scratched it out, never taking his eyes off her.

_Sincerely yours, _

_R.R._

He pressed the pen to his lip.

_Dr. R. R._

"It's a title I've missed." He admitted.

Elizabeth and Robert left the letter at Lukas door and hid behind the corner. He opened the door, a yellow hat on his head. He read the letter, his eyes lighting up greedily.

"I accept. Please give me my hair." He said, knowing they were there.

"Promise not to tell?"

"Yes."

Robert handed him the bag. He pulled out Hunkalicious-Black and adjusted it on his head.

"So," Luka said, feeling it was firm and secure. "When's my date with the model?" Roberts jaw dropped.

"Oh, uh, no… I scratched that out, um, it was just a joke. And I don't know about you, but I'm laughing!" he said, chuckling nervously. Luka glared at him.

"No such thing is scratched out. See?" Luka showed the note to Robert.

_We will destroy those. Also, we have very suggesting pictures of you and Carter._

The sentence after was scratched out.

"Robert!" Elizabeth cried, smacking the back of his head. Robert stared at the paper, a grimace on his face.

"Maybe we can substitute a…you know, regular person." Robert suggested.

"Like who?" Luka asked, clearly interested.

"Like me." Elizabeth cut in. Robert stared at her, horrified. Luka looked her up and down.

"I think that can be arranged." He said, grinning.

"Lizzie, you don't have to do this!" Robert pleaded. "Kovac!" He cried out desperately. "We can get you anyone else. Come on! Chen, Haleh, Sam?"

"No, no, and are you kidding me?" Luka cried.

"We can get you Susan, Neela…Carter?"

"WHY DO YOU INSIST I LOVE HIM?" Luka roared. He let out a string of cusses in his native language.

"Elizabeth, please!" Robert cried, placing his hands on her shoulders.

"Robert, it's okay," Elizabeth said. "Hey, you've gotten me out of some rough spots too. Let me pay you back."

"No! No helping! All I do is mooch! I'm a moocher!" he cried.

"Dr Romano," Luka said, smirking. "Is there some unspoken reason why you don't want me to take Elizabeth out?"

Robert stared at Elizabeth, who looked confused. His pride got the better of him. He couldn't tell her, not here, not now. Not like this.

"No," Robert said, looking Luka straight in the eye. "No reason."

"Then back off."

Elizabeth was gone. He'd watched her go, a coffee mug in his hand, begging himself not to throw it into Lukas smug, yet heart meltingly handsome face. His mothers obnoxious singing filled the house as she admired her new hair.

"I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty, and witty and gaaaay!" she sang happily, then realized her son's presence. "I feel pretty, and witty, and alternatively life styled! Good catch, Roberta!" she told herself as she winked into the mirror. Robert felt his blood boiling. He had already been forced to watch Elizabeth go out withy another man-a man with a good wig, at that- and she had to be so damn…happy! He tried to cool himself off by walking out on the patio, but there was no escape-Roberta. Was. EVERYWHERE. How she'd almost got the role of Christine in the senior production of The Phantom of the Opera was beyond him. Thank God she'd lost it to the eighty year old deaf woman. He was losing his grip. He couldn't take it anymore! He ran inside.

"MY GOD, MOTHER, DO YOU HAVE TO SIT UP HERE, ALL PRETTY WITTY AND DRAG QUEEN AND SING LIKE A NEAR DEAD CAT WITH A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT AND A REALLY BAD VOICE THAT IS BEING RUN OVER BY A CAR A MILLION TIMES BUT WILL NEVER. STOP. SCREECHING? YOU'RE A 60 YEAR OLD BALD LADY WITH NO HUSBAND, NO FASHION SENSE, AND NO ACTING ABILITIES! AND DON"T GET ME STARTED ON YOUR SENSE OF DIRECTION! THERE IS NO MIKE STREET! DO YOU KNOW THAT I ALMOST ENEDED UP IN CANADA LOOKING FOR WALLYS WIGS?"

Roberta stared at him in disbelief. She stared down at her pink tweed jacket and pink floral skirt and adjusted her purple cat eye sunglasses.

"Never, in all my life, have I heard so many of my obvious flaws displayed in such a rude format. Robby Romano, you are grounded!" she shouted, her bottom lip quivering.

"Mom, I'm 45, not 10! You can't ground me! I wish you'd stop treating me as a child!"

"I can't help it when that's the way you're acting! You just had a full fledged temper tantrum! Now go to your room, young man!"

Robert didn't budge. Roberta stared him, most annoyed.

"What's the matter with you? You're not usually so disobedient!"  
"Tonight's just not a good night."

"Does this have anything to do with your girlfriend and Luka Kovac?"

"She's not my-wait…" Robert thought for a moment. "How do you know his name?"

"Why, he's part of Wally's Wigs Support Group for Bald People! We meet once a week for a discussion and refreshments." Roberta said, proudly patting her wig.

"I see…" Robert said, a little disturbed.

"You know, Bobby, even though Elizabeth is dating nice Luka doesn't mean you have a right to take it out on your mother."

"They're not dating. It's merely a friendly get together." Robert replied, more to himself than to her.

Meanwhile, at Chez Fredrique, Things were not going as Luka had planned.

"OOOOH NOOOO!"

"Does he ever stop?" Luka yelled over the noise.

"Not that I've seen!" Elizabeth shouted back, her hands over her ears. Juan hit a particularly sour note (well…more sour than usual, anyway) as Billie pranced out of the kitchen holding their dinners. They finished in silence, the only sound to be heard was Juan's horrible rendition of 'Camp Granada', mixed with multiple 'OHHHH NOOO's.

"Bobby, just eat a cookie! It will make you feel better!"

"I don't want a cookie, mother."

"Do you want me to tuck you into bed, pumpkin?"

"It's 10:15!"

"Do you mind if I watch Lost?"

"I want to watch America's Next Top Model!"

Roberta stroked her son's bald head as he sat on the couch, watching Tyra Banks.

"Come on, dear, eat a cookie!"

"I DON'T WANT A COOKIE!"

Finally, the familiar sound of the door unlocking was heard. Robert jumped and switched the TV over to a much more manly show. He quickly ushered a protesting Roberta upstairs. Elizabeth walked into the room.

"Antique Hunter? Really?" she asked. Robert went red and shut off the TV immediately.

"Where's Ella?"

"Asleep, has been for awhile…how was your date?" Robert couldn't hide a sneer.

"It really made me appreciate silence!" Elizabeth moaned. Robert rose an eyebrow. "Two words: Chez Fredrique."

"You poor, poor woman!"

Robert looked around, not quite sure what to say. He picked up his mother's apple cookies (made with 100 percent fake peanut butter-don't ask) and offered her one. Elizabeth spit it out, gagging.

"ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?" she cried, scratching at her tongue.

_Note to self: _Robert thought. _NEVER give the girl you like one of your mothers cookies._

Elizabeth poured herself a glass a water and swished it, a look of pure disgust on her face.

"So, will you be seeing him again?" Robert asked.

"I don't know…" Elizabeth sighed. "I mean, I've always sort of liked Luka."

"Of course you do." Robert muttered.

"What was that?" Elizabeth asked.

"Nothing."

"Ohh…" Elizabeth said. "I get it. You're jealous, aren't you?"

"What?" Robert cried. "I most certainly am not jealous."

"Okay, fine," Elizabeth sighed. "Then answer me this: why did you really kiss me?" She cornered Robert into a counter.

"You're being ridiculous," Robert replied, trying to get away. "Don't give yourself that much credit."

"I really want to know!" Elizabeth cried, looking down into his eyes. "Tell me."

Robert sighed.

"I love you."


End file.
